Esther's House

It is an important decision, and worth it, to try for a better life. First, you must realize that there can be a future that will help you to be the one you were meant to be. With an attitude of being a failure it is too easy to be passive and allow others to destroy you, confirming your sense of being worthless. Those who sense this can continue bombarding you with demeaning words, fists, feet or however they choose to make you feel useless. You must change your attitude about your potential; the future possibilities are endless and well worth the experience!

What we don't realize is that their desire to destroy you often comes from their own lack of self esteem, which they are not going to admit. Sometimes the only way others can feel big and important is to make you look or feel small. This is sad but true. In other words, putting the spotlight on you takes it off of them.

Your spiritual side must be active. You need to realize that God loves you and has a plan for your life and this is not it. He did not intend for you to be beaten down in any way; He knows that you are worth loving. Doesn't that make you someone special? Of course He loves the one who is harming you too but that person allows satan to use him to hurt you. His violent temper is not coming from God. It was that person's decision to get angry and take his hostility out on you. The truth is that often you are not the one who caused his anger but you are there and convenient for him to vent that anger and do damage to you, either verbally, physically or emotionally. None of these are fun to be on the receiving end.

When and if you decide to try for a better life, realize that you cannot do it on your own strength but you must rely on God's strength and guidance to help you have a rewarding future. Life can be worth living, though there might have been times when you wondered. In fact, the best part of my life has been after I got the courage to leave. Having my kids had been the highlight of my life up to then, though that often brought more pain because of my wrong decisions. The point is that God helped me to rise above the despair and search for a better life.

I relied heavily on the fact that He gave me certain abilities. I had forgotten this fact because until now all I had wanted was to be a good wife and mother. I was not successful at being a wife because I was not wanted as such. I am a caretaker and actually enjoyed making my home a haven for my family. At least that is what I wanted to do. What I actually did was to cause more damage to my family by trying to 'make it work'. It takes two to make any relationship work. If that bond doesn't have meaning for those two, it is destined for failure. That, however, doesn't always mean that it is your failure. After you do all you can and the situation doesn't improve, then it is time for you to look for a different future for yourself and your children. Seek God's guidance and strength; you will definitely need both of these.