YOU ARE NOT ALONE

While we are experiencing the humiliation of being abused, whether physically, emotionally or verbally, we often feel that we are the only woman who is berated, demeaned and belittled by the words or actions of someone else. This definitely isn't true; there are literally thousands of women who are having the same experience. Whether it is on our block or across town, there are others who also feel alone and ashamed of where they are in life. The truth is, it is up to US whether or not we stay in that position.

Yes, you might be much smaller in size or strength but there are things you can do to change the situation. To begin with, you must remember that you are somebody special, if not to him, then to others. Most of all, you need to be special to yourself. Not stuck-up special, but with a calm assurance that God loves you and does not want you to be mistreated by anyone.

Refuse to accept the negative comments; never believe that you are stupid or that you have no worth. You are not worthless; you are someone special who is creative, intelligent and capable of having a better, more rewarding life. There are agencies and people who can help you get away from this terrible life you are having to live. Don't let anyone browbeat you into believing that you deserve what you are getting or that you don't deserve better treatment.

If you have small children, begin looking for a place that will accept you and the children, maybe a women's shelter, a place of protection. Those in charge there can help you qualify for a job, if that is necessary. If you are already trained for a job, all the better! What it means is that you and you children will have a safe place to stay, you will have food and other help that you might need. Go for it! No relationship is worth taking a beating for; that isn't love. It is simply the control that someone has gained over your life. Break it! They aren't the only avenue open to you and you can refuse to stay in that situation.

I know how dangerous it is to 'talk back' to those in power, to voice your own opinion. It often means more slaps, kicks or abuse of some kind. BUT when you are not in the room with them you can make other plans, either in person or over the telephone, if this is available. If you don't have a phone, maybe a neighbor will allow you to use hers. Get help!

Staying there, living with a violent person, might be the prediction of your death. One never knows when the wrong word or action can set them off where they might not even know what they are doing. Make your plans in secret; this might save your life and the lives of your children.