While we are experiencing the humiliation of being abused, whether physically, emotionally or verbally, we often feel that we are the only woman who is berated, demeaned and belittled by the words or actions of someone else. This definitely isn't true; there are literally thousands of women who are having the same experience. Whether it is on our block or across town, there are others who also feel alone and ashamed of where they are in life. The truth is, it is up to US whether or not we stay in that position.
Yes, you might be much smaller in size or strength but there are things you can do to change the situation. To begin with, you must remember that you are somebody special, if not to him, then to others. Most of all, you need to be special to yourself. Not stuck-up special, but with a calm assurance that God loves you and does not want you to be mistreated by anyone.
Refuse to accept the negative comments; never believe that you are stupid or that you have no worth. You are not worthless; you are someone special who is creative, intelligent and capable of having a better, more rewarding life. There are agencies and people who can help you get away from this terrible life you are having to live. Don't let anyone browbeat you into believing that you deserve what you are getting or that you don't deserve better treatment.
If you have small children, begin looking for a place that will accept you and the children, maybe a women's shelter, a place of protection. Those in charge there can help you qualify for a job, if that is necessary. If you are already trained for a job, all the better! What it means is that you and you children will have a safe place to stay, you will have food and other help that you might need. Go for it! No relationship is worth taking a beating for; that isn't love. It is simply the control that someone has gained over your life. Break it! They aren't the only avenue open to you and you can refuse to stay in that situation.
I know how dangerous it is to 'talk back' to those in power, to voice your own opinion. It often means more slaps, kicks or abuse of some kind. BUT when you are not in the room with them you can make other plans, either in person or over the telephone, if this is available. If you don't have a phone, maybe a neighbor will allow you to use hers. Get help!
Staying there, living with a violent person, might be the prediction of your death. One never knows when the wrong word or action can set them off where they might not even know what they are doing. Make your plans in secret; this might save your life and the lives of your children.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Esther's House
It is an important decision, and worth it, to try for a better life. First, you must realize that there can be a future that will help you to be the one you were meant to be. With an attitude of being a failure it is too easy to be passive and allow others to destroy you, confirming your sense of being worthless. Those who sense this can continue bombarding you with demeaning words, fists, feet or however they choose to make you feel useless. You must change your attitude about your potential; the future possibilities are endless and well worth the experience!
What we don't realize is that their desire to destroy you often comes from their own lack of self esteem, which they are not going to admit. Sometimes the only way others can feel big and important is to make you look or feel small. This is sad but true. In other words, putting the spotlight on you takes it off of them.
Your spiritual side must be active. You need to realize that God loves you and has a plan for your life and this is not it. He did not intend for you to be beaten down in any way; He knows that you are worth loving. Doesn't that make you someone special? Of course He loves the one who is harming you too but that person allows satan to use him to hurt you. His violent temper is not coming from God. It was that person's decision to get angry and take his hostility out on you. The truth is that often you are not the one who caused his anger but you are there and convenient for him to vent that anger and do damage to you, either verbally, physically or emotionally. None of these are fun to be on the receiving end.
When and if you decide to try for a better life, realize that you cannot do it on your own strength but you must rely on God's strength and guidance to help you have a rewarding future. Life can be worth living, though there might have been times when you wondered. In fact, the best part of my life has been after I got the courage to leave. Having my kids had been the highlight of my life up to then, though that often brought more pain because of my wrong decisions. The point is that God helped me to rise above the despair and search for a better life.
I relied heavily on the fact that He gave me certain abilities. I had forgotten this fact because until now all I had wanted was to be a good wife and mother. I was not successful at being a wife because I was not wanted as such. I am a caretaker and actually enjoyed making my home a haven for my family. At least that is what I wanted to do. What I actually did was to cause more damage to my family by trying to 'make it work'. It takes two to make any relationship work. If that bond doesn't have meaning for those two, it is destined for failure. That, however, doesn't always mean that it is your failure. After you do all you can and the situation doesn't improve, then it is time for you to look for a different future for yourself and your children. Seek God's guidance and strength; you will definitely need both of these.
What we don't realize is that their desire to destroy you often comes from their own lack of self esteem, which they are not going to admit. Sometimes the only way others can feel big and important is to make you look or feel small. This is sad but true. In other words, putting the spotlight on you takes it off of them.
Your spiritual side must be active. You need to realize that God loves you and has a plan for your life and this is not it. He did not intend for you to be beaten down in any way; He knows that you are worth loving. Doesn't that make you someone special? Of course He loves the one who is harming you too but that person allows satan to use him to hurt you. His violent temper is not coming from God. It was that person's decision to get angry and take his hostility out on you. The truth is that often you are not the one who caused his anger but you are there and convenient for him to vent that anger and do damage to you, either verbally, physically or emotionally. None of these are fun to be on the receiving end.
When and if you decide to try for a better life, realize that you cannot do it on your own strength but you must rely on God's strength and guidance to help you have a rewarding future. Life can be worth living, though there might have been times when you wondered. In fact, the best part of my life has been after I got the courage to leave. Having my kids had been the highlight of my life up to then, though that often brought more pain because of my wrong decisions. The point is that God helped me to rise above the despair and search for a better life.
I relied heavily on the fact that He gave me certain abilities. I had forgotten this fact because until now all I had wanted was to be a good wife and mother. I was not successful at being a wife because I was not wanted as such. I am a caretaker and actually enjoyed making my home a haven for my family. At least that is what I wanted to do. What I actually did was to cause more damage to my family by trying to 'make it work'. It takes two to make any relationship work. If that bond doesn't have meaning for those two, it is destined for failure. That, however, doesn't always mean that it is your failure. After you do all you can and the situation doesn't improve, then it is time for you to look for a different future for yourself and your children. Seek God's guidance and strength; you will definitely need both of these.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Esthershouse
Just as it took courage for Queen Esther to go before the King without an invitation, so does it take courage to leave even an abusive situation. I am an example of the good things that can happen afterward. I spent too many years believing those statements that I was a total failure and it happened because, first I prayed a lot and I changed my attitude about myself! As long as I thought I was a failure, I was. When I remembered, and believed, that with God's help I can do all things, my life began to change. Doors opened and I walked right in.
When I am reminded of all that I did to 'keep the peace', that passive, walk-on-me I'm a doormat frame of mind, I am disgusted by the times I did not speak up for myself. As some of you know, any word can cause things to get worse and we learn to walk on eggshells. I gave myself away trying to please someone else and it never worked. Each of us is special to the Lord; He doesn't look at our warts and faults, He sees our potential. He knows what we are capable of and we need to reminded often.
I allowed an early divorce to mark me as not worthy and this brought on a deep sense of failure. Seems that I forgot why I left that marriage, to protect myself and my four-month-old son. Back then I knew only two people who were divorced, so you can see that it was a no-no.
I realize now that we can never be all that we can be as long as we live in stress and strife. Life is too short to carry all that baggage, so let's learn ways that you, like me, can enjoy a better life, one that is rewarding, a challenge and let each of strive to be the one that God sees in us.
When I am reminded of all that I did to 'keep the peace', that passive, walk-on-me I'm a doormat frame of mind, I am disgusted by the times I did not speak up for myself. As some of you know, any word can cause things to get worse and we learn to walk on eggshells. I gave myself away trying to please someone else and it never worked. Each of us is special to the Lord; He doesn't look at our warts and faults, He sees our potential. He knows what we are capable of and we need to reminded often.
I allowed an early divorce to mark me as not worthy and this brought on a deep sense of failure. Seems that I forgot why I left that marriage, to protect myself and my four-month-old son. Back then I knew only two people who were divorced, so you can see that it was a no-no.
I realize now that we can never be all that we can be as long as we live in stress and strife. Life is too short to carry all that baggage, so let's learn ways that you, like me, can enjoy a better life, one that is rewarding, a challenge and let each of strive to be the one that God sees in us.
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